


Iridescent

by DoctorIdiot



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Cat, F/M, Gay Panic, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Season/Series 03 Daredevil (TV), SO, Slow Build, because they're both pretty bad at emotions, but i thought of ray with a cat and got carried away, but it's gonna take some time, dex is experiencing a, they will get together at some point, this was supposed to be a 5+1 fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-08-21 05:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16570868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorIdiot/pseuds/DoctorIdiot
Summary: Ray startles. "No, don't come closer!" he whisper-shouts, flinging his hand in Dex's direction to stop him."What—""It's a cat," Ray interrupts, turning towards Dex to show him the animal he's holding with gentle hands.Dex has just about enough wits to blink dumbly at this turn of events.—Or, alternatively: 5 times Dex thought he was rejected (but really wasn't)……and the 1 time it was just a little too late for anything.





	1. burst of light that blinded every angel

I.

When Ray first meets Dex, his first impression is that there is something about him, like there's fire burning underneath his skin. _Rage_ —perhaps—roiling and snapping, so skillfully hidden beneath a shiny veneer of calm.

On the exterior Dex is handsome, a pleasant sight to see; his jaw is sharp, his short hair is neat—at this point in time there is little to none grey strands at his temples—and his shoulders fill out his suit perfectly. When Dex meets his eyes, Ray feels the sheer intensity of his gaze, and barely suppresses a shiver.

Despite his instincts telling him that he should beware of this man, they are assigned as partners, so Ray shakes off the weird feeling and extends a hand for Dex to shake.

"I'm Rahul Nadeem, but people mostly call me Ray," he says, as a greeting with a smile as maybe an offering or an opening. Dex holds himself like a man who is completely sure of himself. There’s a small smirk playing on his face, but the expression falls a little flat, like he's one second away from bolting.

"Dex," is the short reply he gets from the blond man, but Ray isn’t disheartened by the monosyllabic answer.

In truth, they both already know each other's full names, and almost every other thing that is in their file that isn’t confidential. The introduction isn’t necessary and is more out of courtesy than anything else. Ray knows that Dex's full name is Benjamin Poindexter, and he's a year younger than Ray. Ex-military. Sniper, sharpshooter. A dozen or so other information that Ray skipped reading because it felt like something he’d rather hear personally from his partner.

Ray shoots him a winning smile, and says, "It's nice to have you as a partner."

Dex frowns, then, his eyes slightly narrowing. His cool demeanour disappears, and wariness takes its place. "How would you know that? You don't know anything about me." In any other situation, Ray would have thought it sounds petty. As it is, the underlying tone conveys a warning. Dex has his jaw clenched and his eyes have hardened into a glare. The voice in Ray’s head screams danger again, but he ignores it. He knows Dex is making it clear that reading each other's files means nothing—they don't automatically know everything about the other because of the summary of three pieces of A4 paper in a brown file given to them by the SAC.

"I don't," Ray shrugs, "But I have a feeling anyway." He grins at Dex, walks past him and pats his shoulder on the way to his desk.

Ray misses Dex staring at him as he goes, a perplexed expression on his face like he has been snapped out of a trance.

* * *

 

Dex's first impression of Ray is this: he's an average person, not unlike his other colleagues. Ray is nice to Dex, but he's nice in the polite way one is nice to their partner in this line of work. He's respectful, and a good agent with a remarkable sense of duty, but otherwise he wasn't... special. Ray is easily overlooked, just another head in a crowd.

Or so Dex thinks, for months after they became partners, until one memorable night when the agents all went out to get drinks in order to celebrate a mission that went particularly well.

Dex had been recounting a tale about taking down some asshole criminal of the century to the team. He has a great punchline to it, but when he glances to his side to check Ray's reaction—a smile, and an encouraging nod from Ray and Dex would continue the story with a satisfied smirk—he realizes that his partner is nowhere in sight. The words trail off, and the smugness that was unfurling pleasantly in his chest dies out instantly.

"Where's Ray?" he asks the agent closest to him, Glenn.

Glenn shrugs unhelpfully, displacing her hair from her shoulders. "I think he said he was going to the bathroom, or something."

Dex frowns because now that he's thought about it, Ray hasn't been by his side since he was halfway through his second drink. Now he has long since finished with his fourth, and that was an unusually long time to be in the bathroom. Maybe Ray's gone home and he just forgot to say goodbye, but his jacket is still there slung over the back of his chair. Dex rises to go search for his partner, ignoring the half-hearted protests from the other agents about his unfinished story.

There's no Ray in the bathroom, only a random drunk vomiting his entire guts out in one of the stalls. Dex wonders for a moment where Ray could've possibly gone, and saw the backdoor of the bar as he is walking out of the bathroom. It was opened a crack. Alarm bells ring in his head. His instincts leads him out the door and into the alley behind the bar.

When his eyes adjust to the dimness of the alley, Dex is slightly taken aback by the sight of an unconscious body slumped against the wall with blood running down his temples. The beating of his heart slows back to normal when he realizes the body isn’t Ray. He turned his head to take in the surroundings and his heart is speeding up again because _that's_ Ray, crouching on one knee and hunched over himself.

"Ray?" he calls out, uncertainty and concern seeping into his voice without his consent. _Is he hurt?_

Ray startles. "No, don't come closer!" he whisper-shouts, flinging his hand in Dex's direction to stop him.

Dex freezes in his steps at the sight of Ray with his eyes wide and his hands held up in defense. His concern ratchets up a notch, and along with a it a spark of irritation. What did Ray think Dex would do, hurt him?

But then Ray opens his mouth and speaks to something out of Dex's sight in the most soothing voice, "Hey, no, it's okay. It's just Dex." Dex's concern morphs into confusion. "He's not going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you either. Shh, stay still, buddy, I need to see if you're okay. I won't hurt you, it’s okay."

Dex’s frown deepened as he watches Ray shuffle forward, still murmuring reassurances. He picks up something from behind a dumpster that Dex can't see, and cradles it to his chest as he stood.

"What—"

"It's a cat," Ray interrupts, turning towards Dex to show him the animal he's holding with gentle hands.

Dex has just about enough wit to blink dumbly at this turn of events. "Uh, yeah, I can see that. What are you doing?" Dex asks, tone tinged with incredulousness.

"Oh," Ray says, and looks around in wonder as if he isn't fully aware of himself. As if there isn't an unconscious body in the alley. "I guess I'm— I'm rescuing him?" He trails off and his answer comes out sounding more like a question than a clarification.

Dex stares at him.

"Listen, I heard something out here when I was going to the bathroom so I went to check. That guy," Ray points at the unconscious man, "was abusing this little guy. I might've, ah. Stepped in."

Dex blinks, again. Raises an eyebrow. "You fought off a stranger in an alley behind a bar... because he was beating up a cat?"

"I couldn't leave the little guy!" Ray defends, shifting uncomfortably under Dex's gaze. The movement draws a protesting sound out of the cat, so he abruptly stops. "Though maybe knocking that guy off conscious is probably a little bit of an overreaction." Ray has the decency to look sheepish, like he would be scratching at the back of his neck if his hands were free.

Dex thinks back to his childhood. To the days when he killed crows with rocks, just because he could. The satisfaction that stemmed from it. Ray probably would've hated it—hated him—if he knew.

But then again, Ray's… _Ray_. While he used to think that Ray is not unlike everybody else, he finds that he may have to scrap off that idea. Now that he’s truly thought about it, he realizes that Ray has a big tendency to forgive and forget rather than resent someone over their mistakes.

The thing is, Ray's heart is made too big, too soft. It used to annoy Dex so much, the way he'd sometimes let people walk over him like everyone else matters more than he does. Now, all of a sudden, Dex finds it endearing. How Ray is so fucking _good_ ; Ray with his gentle hands cradling a dirty stray, how he smiles and his entire face softens, the way he would check on everyone after a mission and insist they get medical attention even if it's a minor wound.

_Oh, shit._

Dex shakes his head to clear off his thoughts, the suddenness of change in how he sees Ray giving him a whiplash and making his stomach feel weird. Ray, remaining ever oblivious to his internal war, stands there looking more dejected by the second. It is a sight, his FBI partner sans suit jacket, sleeves rolled up, knuckles red from the fight he had, with a cat dirtying his usually pristine white shirt.

Dex clears his throat and his thoughts. "Well, what are you going to do with it?"

Ray looks down at the creature in his arms and there’s a long pause. "I— The vets would be closed this time of the night. I'll take him in, just for tonight. Take him to the vet tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's a weekday, Ray. When will you get it to the vet?"

"After work, maybe. Or I'll ask Seema. Or something. I'll figure it out." Ray heads to the backdoor. "You should get back in there, the others are probably questioning where we went. I'm going to go to the bathroom, check the extent of his injuries."

Instead of going back to their table—and drinking himself into oblivion because that’s exactly what he wants to do after certain revelations of certain feelings—Dex follows Ray into the bathroom. The lighting is still not exactly conducive for making a check-up, but better than out in the alley or in the bar itself.

Ray makes soothing noises and mutters sweet nonsense to the cat constantly; he shushes the cat when it mewls pathetically and tells the cat that Dex isn't dangerous when Dex accidentally spooks it. He cleans the sink counter and sets the cat on it. In the light the cat’s fur is revealed to be short and orange, with stripes of a darker shade on its limbs and its head. It's easy to make out that the cat's ears are bleeding, there's a long gash on its hind leg, and patches of its fur is stained with dried blood.

Dex watches, transfixed, as Ray runs his fingers softly over the cat's fur. He can see that Ray is making his touch featherlight to prevent the cat from any discomfort, his hands deft in its work. Dex swallows hard when Ray makes sympathetic noises to the cat as he wipes some blood off it with water and tissues.

Ray must've pressed on an injury too hard, because the next thing he sees is a flash of an orange blur and his arm is bleeding. "Ow!" he exclaims, shaking his arm. "You're feisty. Sorry," he apologizes to the cat, petting it at a part where there were no visible wounds.

"Jesus." Dex rubs at his eyes. Why is his partner like this? He steps closer to Ray to see the damage, but the cat starts hissing at him. He glares at it. The cat ignores the glare in favor of bumping its head on Ray's hand, licking his fingers as if it regrets the attack.

Ray looks between them, from the cat, to Dex, and back to the cat again. And then he honest-to-God burst into a giggling fit. The high pitched sound surprises both Dex and the cat, and two heads swivel to look at Ray like he's lost his mind. Ray giggles harder.

"What's so funny? Did you hit your head while you were fighting off the cat abuser?" Dex asks, annoyed with the feeling like he is being laughed at. However, the annoyance fades quickly, and his insides instead turns warm with Ray's contagious happiness.

Ray's giggles taper off, and Dex gives himself a moment to mourn the loss. It was a really cute laugh.

_Oh, shit, not again._

"No, it's—" Ray bites his lip, and stares at the cat. A drop of blood is steadily trickling down his arm, but the cut doesn't look serious. "The cat kinda reminds me of you, actually."

"Excuse you? I am nothing like it," Dex protests, scoffing. The creature on the sink counter eyes him with disdainful eyes.

"Sure." Ray is still grinning. He washes his hands and arms off of blood and dirt, then carefully scooped up the cat into his arms. "I'm heading home." Ray's face falls as he realizes that they got here together in his car. "Do you want a ride home now? Or if you want to stay here, can you get your own ride home?"

Dex rolls his eyes. "I'm a fully functioning adult, Ray, I can find a way home."

"Right." Ray nods, but he looks a little guilty. "Good night, then." He side-steps past Dex and is halfway out of the bathroom when he stops. When he turns his head, there’s a huge shit-eating grin on his face that leaves Dex feeling poleaxed. Dex have seen Ray smiling a lot, but never so mischievously. "If the vet asks for the cat's name, I'm going to say his name is Dex."

It takes a few seconds for Dex to process that but apparently that is enough time for Ray to slip out the door before Dex could voice his protest.

That's such a fucking stupid name for a cat, and Ray is an idiot. “That little shit,” he grumbles to himself. He stomps on the giddy feeling of Ray naming a cat after him.

When Dex gets back to the table where the other agents are sat, he is met with multiple raised eyebrows. "What?" he huffs.

They exchange knowing looks, eyes flickering towards the chair Ray had vacated—Ray's jacket is gone, he must've grabbed it before he left—and shake their heads.

"Nothing," Glandale says, not quite meeting his eyes.

* * *

After that night, things change. It feels to Dex as if his eyes had been closed before and now that it's open, he can finally see the things he didn't before. Now, he takes note of the little things about Ray that he overlooked. He keeps an eye out for these things, and feels infinitely grateful given the opportunity to appreciate them, and he hoards these noments like a dragon would gold.

His touches are a prime example. Ever since he’s seen Ray’s fingers card through the cat’s fur, he’s hyperaware of Ray’s touches. There are a lot of different types of touches, and he categorizes them into neat little boxes in the back of his mind.

Most of the times, Ray touches him with the slightest pressure. His fingers are feather-light on his arm, barely noticeable if not for the fact that Dex is too aware of it. Ray’s hand is barely exerting any force when he curls it on Dex’s arm to pull him away for a briefing. There is the slightest feel of fingers against his back as Ray ushers him out of the meeting room.

If Ray thinks it is bizzare that Dex turns before Ray could even touch him, he doesn't say.

Then, there are the normal touches, which Dex finds is more grounding at times when he feels like spiraling or panicking. These normal touches are in the shape of a warm hand at the back of his neck, or on the shoulder as Ray leans to see his computer screen, or nudges to get his attention.

Last is the most rare, the gripping touches, such as when Ray grips his shoulder when he’s too injured to walk on his own. Or when Ray hugs him, or when Dex is having a particularly bad day and needs more than a nudge to snap out of his trance.

Other than these touches, he mentally adds to his list other little things that makes Ray… Ray. Things that he treasures as much as pirates would valuables.

The list goes like this:

One: Ray is social with most of the other agents. He says hi to everyone he passes and makes short small talk whenever he’s able to. He occasionally forgets the name of some colleague's relative, but he still remembers enough about them that it's clear he genuinely cares. He remembers Brown’s daughter’s birthday and he takes the time to ask after Lee’s grandmother.

Two: Ray sometimes goes out of his way to visit their fellow agents that get hurt during the mission, brings with him flowers or fruit baskets to the hospital. He reassures the family of these agents, speaks high praises of the agents and lifting spirits of many while Dex uncomfortably stands far off to the side.

Three: Ray speaks to the civilians they interrogate with a soft coaxing voice and he's patient with them the way Dex can never be.

Four: Ray adopted the cat he saved that night in the alley behind the bar. He ruefully tells Dex that he named it Dee because the cat turned out to be female. He sends Dex updates on Dee and a ton of pictures of the cat with captions that gets increasingly bad.

Dex doesn’t like cats.

He saves the pictures anyway.

* * *

 

When one day Julie reminds him of Ray and the next day the vice versa happens, Dex knows he’s got a problem.

His therapist had had a great idea with the North Star thing. He has found one; Julie is a good person, and she makes him want to improve, become a better person. Julie is all soft heart, big grins and more kindness in her than he's seen in a lot of people combined. Her soft edges he had seen from the very moment he saw her. The good in her shone so brightly, it left an imprint behind Dex's eyelids whenever he closes his eyes. Her entire being seems to be made up of true and pure intentions of doing good. That was what made him appoint her as his North Star.

But then there is Ray. He’s so very alike to Julie in the fact that in his core, he’s a good and kind person. But they were also very different.

Unlike Julie, Ray has rough and sharp edges when you explore further. Ray's not always so bubbly, not entirely innocent as Julie is. It's fair, given their profession. Dex has witnessed the few times Ray gets exhausted enough to snap. He's seen the rare occasions Ray broke his professionalism by punching a scum of the earth a little too many times than he needed to, and emerge with a satisfied snarl on his lips. Ray has been covered with blood that is not his, and no matter how good he is, he has killed before, too. (Just like Dex has.)

Julie is always composed, always happy. Ray gets into fights with his wife, sometimes. He comes to work with his hair a mess, bags under his eyes and a slouch to his shoulders.

In Dex’s mind, Ray is like a lion, sometimes, and it shows when he's in his element. When he's tasked to lead a mission, he does so with a great amount of resolve to see it end in the best way possible. He has a cool head even through pressuring times, and his presence itself is weighted and grounding.

Although Ray has a good moral compass, and is a trusted ally, he’s a lion. He has claws and fangs and in situation when they’re needed he uses them.

The most prominent difference between Julie and Ray is that Ray is right there within his reach. Ray talks to him everyday, even when Dex is in his not-very-good moods and is unable to put together a reply. Ray brings him coffee when he needs it and invites him to dinner at his house a lot. (Dex rejects the offer every time and smothers the envy to death before it could overwhelm him. Seema Nadeem is a very lucky woman to have a husband like Ray.) They work back-to-back, shoulder-to-shoulder on almost every mission they are assigned.

The closeness makes Dex feel wary around Ray. His "relationship" with Julie is safe, because he doesn't have to fear abandonment or rejection because she doesn't know. But with Ray he fears that one day Ray is going to see through him and even with all his never-ending patience, he's going to up and leave—maybe ask for a transfer and Dex will never see him again.

Yet, Dex can't find it himself to distance himself from Ray. Not when Ray brings him coffee at just the right time and knows just what type of touch to use on Dex to make him feel better again. Not when Ray talks to him about his family and his son and it calms him a little—even through the jealousy—when he feels himself become untethered. Not when after missions, Ray’s hands are feather-light on his arm or his shoulders or his back. Not when Ray looks at him with those eyes and asks in a low voice if he's all right.

Julie became his North Star instantly. The point of seeing Ray as a guiding light is a gradual process that speeds up every time Ray smiles at him like he's done something good that is worthy of it.

* * *

 

It's been nearly a year since he first met Ray, and a couple of months after the cat incident, and he doesn't know why he does it. Maybe it's because of the fact that he starts thinking of Ray like he thinks of Julie.

The thing is, that one winter night, he watches Ray and his family from where he stands, huddled in a thick coat and the shadows. While he usually follows Julie in his car, he can't risk it here. Ray is an observant special agent, he's bound to notice that glaring sign of his partner's car outside of his house.

He watches as Ray's wife cooks dinner with Ray helping. He watches the family eating together and instead of the calm he usually feels with Julie, a dark sinking feeling unfurls in his gut. He watches Ray kiss his wife, and then kiss his son on the forehead. They were happy together. The stress and tension he sees in the line of Ray's body earlier at the headquarters is completely gone. His smile is bigger and more genuine than he's ever seen, and he thought he's seen genuine.

That isn’t the only difference, Dex notes. Ray’s smiles always had a tint of melancholy to it. It’s in the background, not noticeable unless you were staring at it for way longer than you should have.

In the safety of his home, in the presence of his family, there was no trace of that melancholy.

The dark feeling in his guts spreads, and he feels his anger rising within him. He snarls, because this, this feels like a betrayal. Like everything Ray had ever offered him was an illusion. Because how could any of it be real, when this exists? When Ray looks this peaceful and happy with his family, far away from Dex.

_Is it me?_  Dex thinks. Am _I the source of that sadness in your eyes when you smile at me?_

Dex's hands clench and trembles violently around the binoculars he was using. He stumbles up from his hiding spot and walks away. There's no knowing where exactly he's going, but he just needs to get away.

He vows to himself that he'd never do that again. He is reminded then why his North Star is Julie. His one true North Star is and will forever be Julie and Julie alone.

Everyone else disappoints him, and they in turn will find him despicable, in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was waiting for a dexray fic to appear but apparently that wasn't happening so i guess i have to write one myself.
> 
> wrote this at 3 am and no beta we die like men. i haven't written in a while so this is pretty mediocre but like i said. no dexray fics so. if there's any typo or grammar error, pls tell me.
> 
> i was initially going to write through ray's pov but i let dex take control once (one time) and he has yet to give back the control. anyway if u wanna talk about these two dumbasses pls hit me up on tumblr @cyclopsforge i need Friends
> 
> anyways updates isn't scheduled i have no idea when the next part will be up bc i have exams for a whole month ending on 5/12. if anyone from ******** read this fic im taking my SPM exams so u know how much i wan 2 die
> 
> edit, 11/12: the second chapter is on its way i am so sorry for the wait but if you're looking for a laugh go check twitter account @incorrectdexray


	2. gravity of tempered grace… (pt. I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned out longer than i thought it would be so i will be breaking it into two parts. sorry the update took so long wilson bethel in hart of dixie is Irresistable, thanks for waiting

II.

 

"Dismissed," says Special Agent in Charge Hattley before waving them off with a flick of her wrist. 

Ray walks out of the meeting room along with the other agents, Dex among them. He keeps an eye trained on Dex. His partner has been acting odd for the past week or so.  

Actually, no, scratch that. Ray has noted that Dex has been behaving strangely _only_  when he’s around. It’s killing him because one, Ray has absolutely no clue why. Out of the blue, Dex just became skittish around him. Two, he didn’t exactly realize how much Dex means to him until they’re not talking. Ray feels something similar to the stifling disquiet that settles snugly in his chest when he has a fight with Seema.

Ray needs his questions answered to be able to fix this sudden rift between them. He hasn't yet found the answers he’s looking for, and not for the lack of trying on his part. He has tried approaching Dex countless times but the outcomes go either of two ways. 

If he’s lucky enough, Ray gets the chance to voice just a little bit of his concerns to Dex. Highlight on  _a little bit_. That’s as far as his luck goes, because the other agent would shrug it off. Then, he would—for lack of better, more colourful phrases to paint the scene with—bolt as if his ass is on fire. Ray is impressed though because Dex somehow manages to do that smoothly enough.

Other attempts, which count as most of them, end way before they can begin. The reason being Dex is gone before Ray could even utter one single word. Ray would be catching up to Dex, about to open his mouth, and… Dex is just _gone_ in mere seconds. In this situation, Ray likes to imagine all that’s left of Dex is a thick outline of him where he's not, like in those Japanese cartoons Sami likes to watch. 

More than anything, Ray wants to believe that he’s overthinking and everything is fine between them. Sometimes he feels like he could almost trick himself into thinking that.

The key word here is:  _almost._

The thing is Ray is not pulling assumptions out of his ass. He’s a special agent, for God’s sake.

For the past week, he has been feeling like he’s being watched all the time. He shivered and gotten more goose bumps than he has had in forever. Ray is absolutely certain in his gut feeling that it could be no one else other than Dex. The sheer intensity his instincts pick up on feels not unlike the rage expertly hidden underneath Dex's skin the first time they met.

However, when Ray turns his gaze to Dex, the other agent has his eyes trained elsewhere, or otherwise he’s busy with something that looks pressing. It sounds cliché—like something straight out of a drama—but even Ray has to admit Dex is rather skilled in pretending as if he hasn't been staring at Ray for the last five minutes. 

Rarely, on the occasions where Ray  _does_  catch him staring, Ray cheerily waves at him. Dex responds by doing the blinking thing he does and turns his head another direction. Ray fails to stamp down his thoughts about how that move is identical to Dee the Kitty’s behaviour. 

Their staring-and-looking-away cycle reminds Ray of teenagers with a crush. But there is none of the giddiness that is usually present in those crushes. Instead, it just succeeds in leaving him feeling unsettled and shifty. Dex is not a teenager crushing on him, so Ray could rule that out. So that means surely Dex is angry with him.

_But why?_  Ray thinks a little desperately. In his head, he replays their interactions before Dex behaved strangely and flat out refused to talk to Ray. He couldn’t place anything out of the ordinary.

Ray really did intend to approach him again to really press for answers, determined to get Dex to talk about it. But on Tuesday, a case needed all of their focus. One mission for the case turns into a series of it as they discovered the drug ring they were tracking down is suspected trade in more than just drugs.

Ray sighs, and shuts his eyes hard as if that would get rid of his exhaustion. He wants nothing more than to go home and crash, because he does have a little bit of time to himself before they’re supposed to go on a stake out. He wishes he could say he's not going to take that precious time as an opportunity to talk to Dex. He wishes he could say he's just going to have a long nap.

Not all wishes come true, it seems, even though you’re the one who could grant them.

His legs, apparently having obtained a mind of their own, decided to hell with that nap he could be having and lengthen their stride to catch up to Dex. In his head, Ray is screaming at himself; half of him is asking what the hell he thinks he's doing, and the other half telling him not to mess this up. 

He's not even sure what is there to mess up, since he doesn't even know where he went wrong enough to acquire Dex's anger.

"Dex," Ray calls out. His hand takes their turn developing a consciousness and immediately betrays him by curling around Dex's elbow.

Dex flinches slightly from the touch, but doesn’t wrench his arm away. The action seems to surprise them both; Dex has never backed away from Ray’s touches before. If anything, he usually leans into it. 

But Ray should’ve known that touching probably isn’t the best move on someone who is angry with you. He should let go but his hand refuses to cooperate and stays there, unmoving, as if taunting him.

Dex looks at Ray's hand on his elbow, and his eyes flick to Ray's. His eyes are slightly widened, and his pupils a little dilated. Once again Ray is reminded of Dee, and how her pupils would expand the second before she pounces, claws ready to sink into flesh if needed. Ray fights the urge to back down or to look away, and swallows hard at the look in Dex's eyes.

He opens his mouth to say something— _what was he even going to say?_ His voice seems to take pity on him by ditching him before he could make a fool out of himself. Ray clears his throat. "Dex," he tries again, quieter this time.

Dex's expression has made a truly impressive leap from deer-in-headlights to utter nonchalance. Gone is the rawness Ray had glimpsed in his eyes, and they’re left empty. Ray tenses more at the feigned expression than he did when Dex looks like he was about to pounce, but he can’t afford to back down.

"What?" Dex says, his voice as flat as his face.

Ray barely suppresses a cringe at the tone. Suddenly, standing there in the middle of the office feels too open, like everyone's staring. It’s an irrational fear. No one is staring, of course they’re not—they’re too busy with stacks of paperwork and their own droopy eyes. Nonetheless, Ray tightens his grip on Dex's arm and leads him to the break room.

Once they’re in the break room, Ray is about to let go of Dex's arm—he realizes that perhaps he has been holding on to Dex for a minute too long. But he takes one look at Dex and promptly tosses that intention right into the fire. Dex's shoulders are tense and his body is coiled so tightly he looks like a spring under very high compressive pressure. If Ray releases him, he would escape before Ray could even say his name.

They are positioned so that Dex can see the exit, Ray has made sure of that. Initially, Ray thought that Dex having his back to the wall and the doorway in his line of sight would make him feel less vulnerable. 

In retrospect, maybe he miscalculated somewhere in that line of thought. Dex looks like Dee had when Ray brought her on her first visit to the vet. He looks cornered. Stuck between the wall and the doctor, Dee had looked just about as threatened. Dex’s eyes are darting towards the way out but at least he isn't snarling… yet.

Ray did risk some scratches on his arms with Dee, but he has no idea what's on the line with Dex. Dee is a cat, but Dex is a trained FBI SWAT. While Ray is also a skilled agent, Dex undoubtedly has a higher chance to win against Ray in a fight.

His instincts had and still say that Dex can be dangerous, but instincts are only that:  _instincts_. They can be wrong sometimes. All Ray knows is that, instincts aside, he trusts Dex with his life. So he subtly takes a deep breath and trudges on with his approach.

"Is everything okay?" Ray asks and immediately regrets it.  _You really couldn’t think of a more stupid question to start with_ , he chides himself instantly. For a moment, he wishes life came with a delete text option so he could start over.

Dex gives him a pointed look and shrugs his shoulders in one fluid movement. A great achievement really, because he's looking as relaxed as a piece of plywood. Ray knows now that Dex is definitely faking a calm that he doesn’t feel.

“Everything’s fine, Ray.”

Ray makes sure he’s making the most incredulous face before he slowly says, “Uh-huh. Sure.” He nods his head and could not stop a disbelieving scoff. 

“I would love to take your word on how fine everything is,” Ray starts, sarcasm slipping through his words. “But in case you forget, you’ve only spoke to me, what, a handful of times this week? All of those times are mission-related, if I remember correctly.”

“It’s normal for two agents not to talk that much in a week. We are pretty busy,” Dex counters, shrugging again. His face conveys disinterest in how this is going.

“Not when you’re partners, no, it’s not!” Ray pauses to take some time to calm himself and lower his voice. _Do not kill your partner because he’s being annoying_ , he repeats to himself in a mantra. “You run every time we’re in the same room. I’ve been repeating our short, not-exactly-conversations a lot in my head, wondering what the hell I’ve done to deserve the cold shoulder.” 

Ray didn’t mean for the approach to go this way, didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he’s tired. He’s so tired of Dex acting like he suddenly doesn’t exist out of the field. Ray pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. His right is still curled around Dex’s arm as if it was glued there, and his grip is tight—tighter than it has ever been before—but not enough to bruise.

Ray knows he shouldn’t play with fire or he would get burned, and that, in front of him, is a fire. But he feels as though the heat is already surrounding him, licking at his skin and curling around his limbs, waiting for the right moment to devour him whole. Sense tells him that if he pushes further, there will be consequences.

His hand burns from its position on Dex’s sleeve. At the point of contact, he feels Dex’s body heat through the layer of clothes separating skin. Secure in his trust in Dex, Ray takes a step closer, plunging headfirst into the fire. Dex reacts by taking one backwards. 

“Please,” Ray presses, taking one more step forward. He is determined to see this through. Dex takes another step back to put some space between them, and startles when he bumps against the kitchen counter. There is nowhere he could go. Ray doesn’t want to be trapping him like this, but if he doesn’t, Dex will run.

They’re standing so close Ray can almost see the individual specks that make up the green and brown hues in Dex’s eyes. Ray blinks and centers his focus. “I just want to know what’s wrong and what I did so that I can fix this.” 

Dex opens his mouth, but Ray interrupts before he could say anything. “And don’t tell me there’s nothing to it. In case you forgot, we’re FBI agents, Dex. I’m good at making observations and I know exactly how good at lying we agents are. So I know for a fact that I’m the only person you’re ignoring. You’re fine with the others.”  

“It’s—” Dex stops abruptly. Ray is  _sure_  Dex is going to make up some terrible excuse and he is really close to tearing all his hair out. 

No excuse came, but instead Dex’s eyes flick over to the doorway. That is all the warning Ray gets that someone’s coming before Agent Jennings speaks up. Ray springs away from Dex and lets go of his arm.

“Hey, boys, is there any leftover—um.” She freezes and blinks at them.

Ray tries his best to not turn red—in embarrassment or anger at being interrupted when he’s so close to getting answers, he doesn’t know. 

Jennings glances between Ray, Dex and the overall tension in the room. She pulls a face. “Oh. Yikes. Okay,” is all she has to add before she turns tail to flee.

When Ray whirls around to face Dex, the man has a critical look on his face. “You sure it’s best to continue our talk here?” he asks, eyebrows raised. 

Irritation flares up in Ray, but he concedes that Dex does have a point. “Fine.” Ray fights the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose again. “We’ll talk later.”

Dex smiles smugly, and shoulders past him to get out of the break room.

Ray grabs his arm once again before he could slip away. “But we  _are_ going to talk about it. Don’t think you’re getting out of this so easily.”

“Sure thing, boss.” He winks, then gestures with his head to where his arm is trapped. “Now, let go of me. I’ve got work to do.”

Ray snatches his hand away, and watches Dex disappear round the corner out of his sight.

* * *

 

“Seema?” Ray calls out as he shuts the front door to his house. “I’m home.”

Seema walks out of the living room, raising her eyebrows in greeting as she gives him a disapproving once-over. “Well look who finally decided to grace us with his presence this evening.” She tut-tuts, but kisses him anyway when he comes within reach. 

Ray shoots her an apologetic smile. “About that, I’m only dropping by for an hour or so, there’s a stakeout happening later tonight.” At Seema’s look, he continues, “I’m sorry, honey. Work’s been really hectic lately. Tonight looks very promising, though. They think something big is going down.”

Seema frames his face with her hands and rubs her thumbs underneath his eyes where he’s pretty sure eye bags are forming. “You look like you should give yourself a break,” she sighs. 

“Yeah, I know.” Ray nods in agreement. “I’m tired. But you know how it is when work—” 

“You sure it’s just work?”

“Uh—I’m,” Ray stammers. “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

Seema smiles softly up at him. “You’ve been looking weary far longer than this case started, Ray, don’t think I didn’t notice that.”

Ray throws his head back and stares at the ceiling as he internally curses that he’s not the only one with observational skills.

“Does it have anything to do with that partner of yours, what’s his name—Agent Poindexter? You two seem pretty close.” Seema drags him along to sit on the couch in the living room.

“Dex, yeah. How do you know this?”

Ray gets a soft hit on the arm as Seema rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Contrary to what  _you_  believe,” she says, putting emphasis on the ‘you’ by jamming a finger into his chest in accusation, “I do listen to your stories and rants about work.”  

Ray chuckles. “I suppose you do.” He makes a doubtful face at this, which earns him another playful hit on the arm. “But you’re right, actually. Dex has been acting off lately and I have not found out the reason why yet.”

Seema hums thoughtfully and searches his face for a minute. “You really like Dex, don’t you?” 

“Well, of course I do. He’s my friend. A close one, too.”

“No, Ray, I can see that.” Seema takes his hand in hers, shaking her head. “I meant as in, more than a friend.” 

Ray’s face falls. “No, that’s ridiculous! Why would you think that? I’m married to you.”

“I know you’re married to me, Ray,” Seema says, exasperation colouring her voice. She gives in to another bout of eye rolling. “That’s also why I  _know_  you. Plus, marriage doesn’t mean you magically stop having feelings sometimes.”

“But I don’t have—” Ray’s protest tapers off as somewhere in his mind, he registers the fact that his protest might not be wholly true.

Ray recalls the feeling of getting lost in Dex’s eyes earlier that evening. He also recalls the times he stood closer to him than necessary. And how he gets more charitable in his touches with Dex than he is with the other agents on his squad. He notices that maybe he has been making up excuses as to why he does these things or otherwise tries to not think about them whatsoever. Now those excuses have evaporated in light of certain realizations and left him scrambling.

“Oh, no.” He buries his face in his hands.  _This is bad._ “I’m so sorry, Seema, I don’t know what to say to you.” His apology is muffled by his hands.

Seema rubs his back reassuringly. “As I told you, it happens. Listen, we’ll talk more about this after dinner and we can figure this out together, okay? Right now, you go clean up first, and then we’ll have dinner.”

Ray is overcome by love and affection for his wife. Seema may not take shit from anyone, but she’s also the most understanding person he’s ever met. He doesn’t know what he would do without her so he thanks her, and places a kiss each on her forehead and on the lips. 

Sami walks into sight moments later and fakes exaggerated gagging noises at them. 

* * *

 

Later that night sees Ray and Dex in their issued vehicle on a stakeout. They are parked as out of sight as they could manage while still being able to see the entry to the warehouse. Prior to that moment in time, Ray had jumped at the chance to choose Dex when the agents were asked to pair up.  

A stakeout isn’t the most ideal place for a talk, but if this line of work has taught Ray anything, it’s that he should take all the chances he could get.

In the car, Ray takes a deep breath, switches off their microphone, and is about to start talking when Dex speaks up. 

“I saw you.”

Taken aback, Ray manages a dumb “huh?” in reply. Dex sounds like he knows that Ray was about to talk. But he’s looking out the side window, so Ray finds his interruption just a tiny bit uncanny. 

Dex looks away from the window to shoot him a small smile. “I went to your house a week ago. It’s stupid, I know. I rejected your offer of dinner, but I thought maybe if I was lucky, it would still stand.” He lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “But then I saw you, and what must’ve been your family. You looked like you were truly enjoying your time. 

“I didn’t have the heart to intrude, so I just left. But seeing you and your family, it got me thinking.” Dex gives him a sheepish grin. “I’ve always thought that I didn’t really want a family of my own. I’ve never had one since I was a kid, so why start now? But seeing you being domestic leaves me unsure, so it’s been messing me up lately. Seeing you again just reminds me all over again.” 

Ray stares at him for a while, and promptly breaks out laughing without any hint of humor. “Come on, Dex. I have to say, I nearly bought that. But you’re lying. You’re forgetting that I know your tics.” Despite himself, anger sparks in Ray’s chest. He’s offended that Dex thinks so little of him to lie straight to his face.

The grin on Dex’s face sours into a frown.

Ray directs a mirthless smile at him. “So how about you start again, and this time, you don’t just throw bullshit at me hoping it hits its mark.”

Dex’s jaw works and his eyes harden. “Can’t we just leave it alone?”

Ray swallows and smothers his urge to give in. “No, we can’t, Dex.”

“Why?” Dex snaps. Anger has broken through the shiny surface he fakes. The grin he has put on is long gone, and instead a hint of a snarl has bled through his face.

“Because,” Ray—patience running thin—raises his voice to match Dex’s, “we’ve been partners for a nearly a year! So sue me, but I’ve grown to care about you.” He does his best to not remember what Seema said or the little realization that he had. “You’re my friend, probably the closest one I’ve had that isn’t related to me. When I see this rift between us? I want to fix that because I don’t want to lose you.”

“Oh.” Dex blinks rapidly and breaks eye contact. He’s quiet for a long time. 

Ray sighs, about to give up, before Dex speaks up.

“I’m…” he starts, voice lowered enough that Ray has to strain his ears to hear. His jaw is working like it’s a true hardship to get the words out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.” He refuses to meet Ray’s eyes.

Ray shrugs. “What did you expect? We’ve had each others’ back for a long time and in this line of work, that means a lot.”

“Right.” Dex looks out the window again. Ray wonders if Dex could find the solutions to his problems outside. “Listen, Ray, there’s nothing you can do to fix this. Because the truth is, it’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

Ray wants to argue that overused breakup phrase, but he catches the self-deprecating look on Dex’s face and decides against it. 

“If I tell you something, could you keep it confidential?”

“Yeah, I guess. As long as it isn’t murder,” Ray tries for a joke. It gets Dex chuckling a little, so Ray counts it as a success. 

“Truth is sometimes things up here,” Dex taps his temple, “it gets messy. I’m working on it, I swear. It’s just that sometimes, the little things get magnified, and I overreact, and next thing I know people leave and I can’t hold on to close relationships. I’m tired of it, Ray.” He messages his temples like he has an oncoming migraine.

He’s avoiding eye contact with Ray, but now he doesn’t think it’s because Dex is lying. Ray takes time to process the information dump, and the level of vulnerability Dex is showing. “Oh,” Ray says intelligently.

“Yeah.” Dex stares out of the car into the darkness outside. Ray feels his window closing; Dex is retreating back behind concrete walls Ray didn’t quite realize existed before. “You don’t need to say anything. I understand if you’d like to request a new, much more stable partner after this mission or something.” 

“Hey, no,” Ray objects immediately, touching Dex’s shoulders to get his attention. “Dex, I am not trading you in for another partner anytime sooner or later. You’re still my friend, so I guess you’re stuck with me too. It’ll take a lot more than that to get rid of me.”

Dex turns his head to look Ray in the eye to search for confirmation. At first he looks wary, but what he finds there he must be satisfied with, because he nods at Ray. 

Silence floods the car again, but it’s not for long. The communicator device they were given buzzes with a flurry of sound.

“All units, head to designated Checkpoint #3. Suspects approaching site.” 

“That’s our cue,” Ray says as Dex starts the engine. 

They’ve got a bust to run and suspects to arrest.         

* * *

 

That night, the two of them work truly side-by-side again to serve justice. The FBI had been able to dig up enough information to confirm quite a few suspects are indeed associated with a drug ring. Said drug ring, also more popularly known as Ambrosia, has been a major thorn in the FBI’s side for many, many years. 

If everything is to go well, tonight would mark one of their greatest victories. The agents tasked to this particular mission are all hell-bent to see that it does not go south.

All the agents involved meet up near the place they’re storming, an abandoned laboratory—or so it seems to be. The lab isn’t as abandoned as they thought. They split up into two teams; one takes the front and the other the back. 

Ray, Dex and two other agents, Jennings and Foster move to the back entry, weapons withdrawn. Ray is suspicious at the lack of firing at them, and how easy it is to sneak inside. He shares a glance with Dex. There is a surprising lack of security for a major drug ring’s place. 

They move slowly and carefully in the dimly lit hallway, and the four split when they encounter a branch in their path. The path Ray and Dex takes leads them downstairs into a basement. 

In the basement, all is eerily quiet. No movement or any sounds. However, while they do have to strain their ears to pick up any sort of noises, they immediately blanch at the stench.

“Ugh.” Dex makes a disgusted face, but takes the left turn further down the hallway without any trace of hesitation. 

Ray takes it as a cue to go down the right turn. He’s led to an open space with a table and chairs in the middle. On all sides of the basement’s open space are empty rooms with bars instead of doors. Ray flashes his torch into the rooms to check. It’s dirty and smeared with substances that their origins Ray really doesn’t want to think about. In every one of them there’s a bucket in the corner and pieces of cardboard laid on the floor in another. 

Ray, suddenly frozen, stays rooted to the spot as the uneasy feeling in his stomach grows up his spine and causes him to shudder. 

The clues in front of him are now shaping up to be a very problematic picture. The unmistakable smell of rot, excretion and vomit. The dirty barred ‘rooms’. The buckets and cardboards. It all adds up to mean a couple of things and none of them good. 

“ _Agent Nadeem_ ,” Dex says loudly. Ray startles from his trance and catches Dex’s annoyed expression. “I’ve been trying to tell you the basement’s clear. No drugs, no people, no nothing. Hey, are you… okay?” Dex asks. His eyes are narrowed in what could be concern. “You spaced out.”

“Dex,” Ray starts, his mouth gone dry. He uses the one hand free of holding a gun to gesture at the rooms he found. “Do you think—?”

Ray is interrupted by the sound of gunfire upstairs. Their heads snap to the source of the sound, and they run back up the stairs with guns at the ready.

The gunfire ceases before they reach the other agents and Ray hopes to god that it isn’t his friends who are injured. He’s rounding a bend, ready to shoot but stops when he sees that his friends are all right. Ray breathes out a sigh of relief.

The suspects are on the ground, alive, but restrained. 

“Well, that’s anticlimactic,” Dex complains. Ray shoots him a disbelieving look, which prompts him to raise his hands in surrender. “Joking,” he amends.

* * *

 

The suspects are brought in for interrogation. 

In his briefing, Ray mentions to SAC Hattley about the things he had seen in the lab’s basement. Ray tells her his hunch that maybe there is more to the case than what meets the eye—that on a best-case scenario they’re looking at human test subjects, and on a worst-case scenario drugs aren’t all they’re dabbling in and selling. 

Interrogations are conducted to obtain more information. In an unpredictable turn of events, the criminals they have apprehended are pretty willing to talk. They cracked long before anyone bet they would.

So the FBI gets both arrests and confessions made in one night. Along with that, they get new intel on Ambrosia, like how they were working on new drugs and testing them on people.

They barely get any new names for the other members of the drug ring, but information is information and getting any at all is better than none. The case could not be declared shut yet, as the criminals they are able to catch today are not even half of Ambrosia. But all in all, the mission is a huge success.

“Go home,” Hattley orders all the agents involved. “Rest. All of you did a good job today. You are all dismissed. I will see all of you again at 10.30 a.m.”

The agents disperse to get home as quickly as they could. Ray heads to his desk to get his things, mind racing even though the adrenaline has worn off.

“Whoa there,” Dex says, laughing a little. If Ray isn’t so distracted, he would have caught the nervousness in Dex’s voice. “Why the really big frown?”

“Huh?” Ray becomes aware that he is, in fact, frowning and tries to school his face into something more approachable. Ray worries his bottom lip between his teeth. “It’s probably nothing.” 

“Things— Things are fine between us, right? Have you been spacey because of what I said earlier in the car? Because my offer of not having me as your partner still stands.” Dex swallows and ducks his head. “If you were having second thoughts.”

“Oh! No, no, I very much want us to be taking criminals down side-by-side again, Dex. I’ve been distracted because, like you said, doesn’t this whole mission tonight strike you as a little too easy?”

Dex blinks at him like Ray has grown another head. “Ray, I was joking. The mission today is a success.”

“I know, but hear me out.” He gestures for Dex to sit on his chair. Dex settles into the seat, his face reluctant. “Their base of operations wasn’t all that well defended. Scratch that, it wasn’t defended at all. We got in way too easy. There were just five of them in that entire building, and we got all of them. And then, when they were interrogated, they gave in way too quickly. Dex, think about it! This is the legendary drug ring that’s been out of our reach for years.” Ray is aware he probably looks like a crazy conspiracy theorist on their sixth cup of coffee, but the unease lingers in him. If he doesn’t talk about it, he would explode.

“I agree that this smells like a trap,” Dex says.

“Sounds like there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

“Listen, Ray, you may be right.  _But_ right now we’re all dead tired and if we tried anything, we would just collapse. How about we talk more about this later that is not at 3 in the morning, okay?”  

Ray blinks at the mention of the time. He didn’t realize it was that late. Now he’s aware that his eyes are really heavy, and sleep is definitely a prospect he much looks forward to. “You’re right,” Ray relents.

“Good night, then.” Dex gives him an awkward shoulder pat and leaves for his own desk. 

“Actually, one more thing,” Ray calls out to him and catches up to him at his desk.

Dex huffs and presses his hand against his eyes in a show of frustration. “What now?”

“I was thinking that maybe when we’re out of this mess and we’re free, we could get dinner together? Not at my house,” Ray continues before Dex could turn the offer down like every other time he’s tried. “Maybe out?”

Dex stands there jaws hanging for a whole second before he blinks hard as if he’s not completely sure that he’s too tired and is hallucinating Ray’s offer of dinner. “Yeah. I mean, yes, sounds good.”

“Great, great.” Ray beams. “Probably not going to be anytime soon though, the way this mission is going.”

Dex raises his eyebrows in agreement. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dex waves as Ray leaves the office, numbness from the surprise not yet subsided.

* * *

 

Someone bumps against Ray in the parking lot. Ray turns to tell them off and give them a possibly undeserving earful because he is _bone-tired_. The rant is on the tip off his tongue, but the person is gone.

There’s a strange pinprick feeling in his arm. Ray finds the source when he glances down and he sees why.

_Uh-oh._  

There is a small syringe stuck in his arm. He yanks it out but it’s too late. Whatever was in it has been administered right into his body. 

Ray’s vision darkens at the edges. Blinking it away does nothing. His last thoughts are how he won’t be home tonight. Seema would be waiting. He wishes he could apologize to his family for not making it home. 

Then he blacks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so upon researching some Things, i found out that dex is only an agent while ray is a special agent?? and that fbi agents don't have designated partners so big Oops. let's all just forget about that tiny detail for this fic ok bc i'm dumb like that
> 
> again, if there's any spelling errors or sth do tell. comments are much appreciated! especially if you scream them at me! i love that


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